summer skin
by pavingnewpaths
Summary: summer comes to multiply. to multiply.
1. kisses

kisses are shared in one of two ways. the first; small hershey chocolates, maybe even containing an even sweeter filling. smooth and sweet candies wrapped in shiny aluminum.

the second; a press of puckered lips against someone or something. a simple action that conveys a multitude of emotion.

the latter is often desired or undesired. sometimes neutral.

· · ·

"do intend on sharing those?" eli asks, his eyes fixed on the petite girl while she unwrapped another chocolate, her nimble fingers bringing it to her lips as she shook her head softly, eyes wide and smirk evident.

the two were seated across from one another on a picnic table, a familiar meeting place since the summer prior. they had first met there, and it only seemed just that their weekly rendezvous started off at this very table.

there wasn't anything significantly spectacular about that table. it was small and dark brown, shaded by an enormous tree that provided a comfortable isolation from the rest of the world. they met there every sunday. sometimes, on particularly hot days, one of them would suggest they buy frozen yogurt or dart through the sprinkles, but most of the time they cherished the moments they spent huddled together under the tree.

"charity is a virtue, edwards," eli persists, leaning across the table to steal a confection. clare giggles softly, slapping his hand away defiantly. he pouts, and she smiles, but her defiance is unwavering. eli rolls his eyes playfully, sitting down and ultimately admitting defeat.

"i finished that book you gave me," eli comments, focusing his vision on his hands as clare wraps her lips around the candy, sucking gently.

sometimes eli wonders if she's purposely taunting him.

she doesn't respond, her eyes watching him with a look so delicately benign that his breath hitches. he swallows and takes a deep breath, "the protagonist was interesting. and i saw myself in him. i'm not sure how much that says about me though," eli continues and he ignores the way his stomach drops because he feels like he's just revealed a piece of himself to a girl he barely knows.

she smiles at him, and it's sad but benevolent. just like her.

"i understood why people compared him to vonnegut. they have similar prose. albeit different enough that it felt like i was experiencing something new while reading," he continues, his eyes boring into hers, slightly pleading.

clare notes the desperate look, and she clamps her mouth shut to suppress a sigh. her eyes focus on the kisses in her small ziploc bag. she nods her head slowly, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. she feels her throat closing up on her, and she blinks furiously, refusing to let tears escape like they so desperately want to.

"clare," eli says, but it's a whisper. so quiet that if they weren't in such a secluded area she's sure she wouldn't have heard him.

clare pauses and takes a deep breath as inconspicuously as she could. she directs her attention to him, her eyes still glazed and a lump in her throat. she's sorry. so, _so_ sorry. and she tries to tell him this, but nothing will come out.

eli reaches across the table, grasping her hand between his. he squeezes gently and she knows it's his way of assuring her that it's okay, she's okay.

and most importantly, they're okay.

**A/N:** i know that this makes practically no sense whatsoever, and that was completely intentional. if you want, consider this a prologue. back stories and explanations will come as the story proceeds. hope you enjoy. reviews are much obliged.


	2. roman candles

roman candles are sparked when the star is ignited. they eject, not only fireworks, but an entire vision.

so aim. ignite. and watch the world explode.

. . .

"this is stupefying," clare muttered, her voice low and graceful as if worried she might shatter the moment with sound.

eli's arms wove around her small frame, pulling her back against his chest. he kissed the side of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent.

their eyes focused on the sparks shooting into the sky, and eli was suddenly grateful that he had taken the time to convince clare to go through with this despite her protests. and by the look in her eyes, he knew that she felt the same. eli tightened his grip and clare leaned back, her hands falling in place over his.

"light a roman candle with me, just a roman candle," eli whispered against her hair and clare giggled softly.

"i appreciate romantic endeavors, but really, eli, your horrid vocal skills are killing the moment," clare insisted, turning her head up towards the boy.

eli gasped dramatically, "I happen to think my voice is impeccable," he remarked, pinching her side.

"that's because that ego of yours is abnormally large," she insisted, pulling herself from his grip and already beginning to walk backwards. she knew what was coming.

"'oh?" eli quirked a brow, taking a step towards her.

"no witty sarcastic retort?" clare challenged, crossing her arms.

eli darted forward and clare all but squealed, turning and running as fast as her feet would carry her.

. . .

the song he whispered to her that night blasted from the speakers of his laptop. it was nearly three in the morning, and eli was wide awake, nostalgia washing over him. the same thoughts raced through his head. scattered and uncensored.

eli pressed the heel of his hands tight against his eyes. he missed her.

a ten minute drive and he'd be within her reach, but it wasn't the same.

he missed _her_.

A/N: Still confused? It's all right, so am I.


	3. july 8th: I

it's been precisely one year.

eli is sitting on the picnic table top, feet tapping incessantly against the seat. he's been perched on the table for over half an hour. she isn't here.

he's darting his head at any indication of movement. and after he almost topples over because a of a few rustling leaves, he decides that he's had enough.

the drive to her house is short and lacking the usual screamo that would usually blare from the speakers. he pulls into the familiar driveway and chooses to ignore the aura of anxiety that seems to loom over the property.

a minute later he's facing her mother. she says nothing. simply giving him a weak, sad smile and point behind her, towards the staircase.

eli takes the steps two at a time, walks along the corridor and comes to a halt at the light lavender door.

he knocks once, twice- albeit, he doesn't know what he's waiting for. he knows a response won't come- before opening the door slowly.

he shuts his eyes tightly, _damnit eli, if you can't hold it together how can you expect her to?, he thinks. _sucking in a deep breath he tries as best he can to keep his composure intact.

he walks toward the bed, a mess of curly disheveled locks the only thing seemingly visible from beneath the covers.

he kneels beside the bed, unsure of whether or not the young girl is asleep. a hand makes its way to her hair, brushing back the cinnamon curls. she stirs, just slightly, and he knows that she isn't asleep.

eli leans in closely, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. the warmth against his lips worries him for a brief moment before he comes to a revelation- the emotion turmoil she's enduring at the moment is significantly worse than any cold she could ever catch.

"i'm so sorry," he mutters, his voice trembling. he pauses, carding through her damp hair. he rapidly blinks back the tears that threaten to fall.

"god, i am so, so sorry baby," he repeats, leaning his forehead against hers.

her eyes are still closed, and he's a tad bit grateful. he's not sure if he would be able to handle the dark, bloodshot look he knows will be present once she opens them.

he stands up, toeing his shoes off. rounding the bed, he lifts the covers, laying down beside her.

he wraps a hand around her waist, "clare, please. just tell me you're okay," he pleads. although he very well knows she's far from okay. he breaths through his nose as his breathes become more shallow. His eyes glaze over and he can no longer see clearly.

she turns suddenly, burying her face into his chest. a petite hand clutches at his shirt, and a small sob tears through the silence.

he wants to kiss her. he wants her to understand that she's not alone. he wants to make her feel better the only way he knows how.

_he wants, he wants, he wants. _

he wants so much and is granted so little.

he grips her tightly as her sobs become hysterical. he cries too. silently and less violently. but he cries. he cries for the broken girl in his arms, and he cries for his best friend. he cries for all that he's missed the past year and all that he'll miss in the future.

**A/N**: Is this...*gasp*...an actual plot forming?


	4. july 8th: II

it takes him a moment to register the unfamiliar surroundings after he wakes. he takes into account the twin bed, lavender walls and bantam girl curled into his chest. sighing lightly, his grip tightens around the small girl. he presses a kiss into her auburn locks and matches her breathing with his own.

exhaustion is radiating off of her and the physical pain it causes him to know that he can do nothing about it is almost unbearable. he glances outside the window, noting that it's almost dusk, only a fair amount of sunlight illuminating the room. it's getting late and he knows that there's still a task that has remained unfinished.

he gently shakes the girl in his arms, caressing her cheek as she regains consciousness.

"we should go," he mutters, his voice small but audible in the quiet room.

she swallows hard and shakes her head, tears beginning to fill her blue orbs once more.

"he wouldn't want you to be like this. he would hate to see you so torn up and you know that," he insists. and he knows it's unfair. he knows it'll upset her- but it's the truth, even if it is a tad brutal.

he stands without waiting for an answer, tugging her off of the bed along with him. she complies, following him despite still being clad in pajamas.

her mother, he presumed, was no longer home. the house was eerily quiet as they left, and eli chooses not to dwell on the fact that that seems to have been the state since the prior year.

the ride was short and the tension was palpable. eli's thoughts were taken over by negative connotations and clare's by resentful ones. the aura was gloomy and emphasized by large clouds overhead. the only noise provided by a low rumble from the sky above.

the cemetery looked the same.

as eli put the car into park, an intense amount pressure seemed to settle on his chest. he turned the engine off and the two remained seated in the vehicle. eli took in a deep breath, fighting to keep his demeanor intact.

his hands gripped the steering wheel roughly, knuckles turning white as he swallowed hard. clare sat intensely still in his peripheral vision. it was difficult to maintain his composure and make sure she was still okay.

he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands, unable to get rid of the chronic depletion. he tugs his seat belt off before stepping out of the car and rounding it. he pulls open the door to the passenger seat and holds his hand out. clare responds to the gesture and allows herself to be pulled up.

the cemetery is unusually quiet for the sunday evening. the weather is chillier than it should be for mid-summer and the crickets chirp louder into the night.

they stop directly in front of the tombstone, neither realizing how peculiarly morbid it is that they recall the exact location. the epitaph engraved into the stone is all too familiar and the memory is all too fresh. they kneel in front the gray stone, hands threading together almost subconsciously.

they sit in absolute silence for endless minutes, eli unable to get his brain to cooperate with his mouth.

"adam torres," clare utters, and eli feels himself shatter but says nothing. "it's been an entire year since i've seen your face and there are still some days i wake up in the middle of the night and call your phone just to hear your voice mail. you meant the world to us adam, you know that? our universe fell apart the day you left. you never realized your own worth, and i still find that incredibly unbelievable. those kids who did this to got what they deserved, i want you know that. i hope that wherever you are you realize that everyone remembers you. _everyone_. nothing is the same around here. you broke people when you left, and i've come to the revelation that this is last thing you would want," she pauses. "you'd hate the person i've become. i'll be better for you, adam. i promise."

eli doesn't realize he's crying until the only sounds left are his ragged breaths.

"i'm sorry," clare says, and eli doesn't know if it's directed at him or at adam.

she squeezes his hand and he squeezes back gently.

_adam torres._

_brother, son, and friend._

"b_rother, first to leave our band. life's song as yet unsung. _

_while gray hairs gather on our brows, _

_thou art forever young."_

**A/N**: there's one more chapter left after this to tie up loose ends. reviews are much obliged. thank you for reading, i really do appreciate it.


	5. epilogue

**epilogue.**

the past year was one filled with grief and sorrow- sometimes more anguish than they believed they could endure. but also a year that taught them how to mourn in a manner that did not result in self-destruction.

. . .

eli rummages through his closet for the small box. it was a wrapped, brown package about the size of his palm and garnished in only a gold ribbon tied loosely and inelegantly around.

the dainty girls eyes gleam as he sits beside her on the bed and hands her the small present.

"eli, you really shouldn't have. this isn't an occasion that calls for gift-giving."

"open it."

clare rolles her eyes in faux annoyance but begins unwrapping the present regardless. she sets aside the wrapping paper before holding up the silver necklace. a small medallion with three names and a date etched into the metal hangs loosely from the chain. her thumb skids over the carving and a collection of emotions skitter across her face before a placid smile settles.

"that was the day he first introduced us. at the park," she nods to herself, her voice soft and distant as she recalls the memory. eli hums an acknowledgement, watching as she slowly unfastens the lobster clasp and hands it to him.

clare turns her back to him and he reaches around her, fastening the chain around her neck. his hands fall to her shoulders and he leans forward, placing a soft kiss against her pulse point.

"i want you to know how proud i am of you." his says, his breath fanning hot and quick against her neck. "i want you to know that i am aware this hasn't been easy," he continues almost inaudibly.

clare's eyes flutter shut as leans against the older boy. she says nothing.

his hands slip down, clutching her waist tightly. "i want you to know that i will always be here for you. and that you'll never have to go through something like this alone." his hands slid beneath her rucked up dress and she flinches from the chill that his hands extract.

his hands push gently at her shoulders and she falls back against the mattress as he hovers over her, muttering something that she doesn't quite register. his hands move against her skin, his breath warm and moist at the crook of her neck.

his movements are careful and agile, and she wonders if he's afraid he'll break her.

her hands move to the nape of his neck, and she mutters that _it's okay_. that she's _okay_.

his fingers are nimble as he unbuttons her dress, tugging it off of her body and tossing it to the floor. she licks her lips and watches as his eyes visibly cloud over.

he ducks his head into her neck and sucks greedily at her collar bone. her back arches and she moans his name as quietly as she can manage.

it's a rare occurrence is too far gone to allow himself the pleasure of admiring the way she's splayed out before him. his eyes dart and linger. his hands and mouth touch everything they can.

eli pulls his shirt over his head in one swift motion, hands returning to the girl below him as quickly as they left. his lips latch on to her neck once again. she whimpers quietly and he's aware that it's due to his neglect of her lips. the grip in his hair tightens, pulling him up so that they're face to face.

her pupils are blown and the mere sight of her – debauched and so completely exposed – causes his breath to catch in his throat. his lips crash against her recklessly and a bit painfully. the kiss all teeth and tongue and pure vehemence. her hands drop and she claws mercilessly at his back.

eli pulls away from the kiss long enough to haphazardly strip out of his jeans. his eyes flicker to clare's as he hooks his fingers onto the edge of her panties. she nods once and doesn't tell him that he doesn't need to ask permission. he slides her underwear off and presses a kiss against the inside of her thigh. his lips trail upward until her reaches her chest. clare sighs and arches her back when eli sucks on the exposed skin.

he slowly unclasps her bra and tosses it absentmindedly before his lips are back on hers. his body presses flush against her, eliciting a muffled moan between rigid breaths. they've reached a stage where their breaths and sounds mingle. moans and frantic gasps of air merge and become indistinguishable.

clare's hand trails down his chest in a taunting manner and eli curses under his breath as her fingers slip into his boxers. he pulls away just enough to watch her expression- her lip trapped between her teeth in concentration. eli doesn't know whether it's an innocent action or if she's fully aware of the effect that she has on him.

her hand wraps tightly around his erection, snapping him out his reverie. he groans involuntarily and bucks into her hand. her grip tightens and his hands clutch the sheets below him as he struggles to keep hold his body weight up. the pressure is enough to send him over the edge and so he grips her hand, his voice hoarse and low when he speaks, "wait," he swallows. "i won't be able to…" and she nods quickly.

clare sucks in a breathe as she watches eli rummage through his nightstand for a condom. her palms sweat when he sits up, straddling her as he slips it on. her heart hammers against her chest when he positions himself at her entrance. her eyes shut tightly as he slides into her, his hips rocking as gently as he can manage against hers.

she grips his shoulders tightly enough to bruise but he doesn't comment. he holds her close and kisses away her tears before they can fall.

. . .

eli doesn't know how long they've been sitting in silence, but he doesn't quite care to. it's dark out and the only sound is from the neighbors air conditioner bombinating.

"eli?" clare's voice sounds worn and exhausted and eli tightens his grip around her waist instinctively.

"hmm?" he hums, nosing at her curls.

"what if…what if things go back to the way they were now that i've stopped therapy?" she asks and he wants doesn't want to admit how much the trepidation in her voice scares him.

eli doesn't tell her that won't happen. doesn't say that she's stronger than that because he knows this was never a matter of strength. this was never about her being it weak. it was simply a plight of despair conquering willpower.

"then i'll be here," he says after a minute.

and clare doesn't response. but eli can sense the tension escape her body as she settles against him. her body relaxes and radiates serenity.

and for once eli believes that it truly is _okay_.

that _she's_ okay.

**A/N: Well, that was the final chapter. Hope you enjoyed! Feedback would be very much appreciated.**


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